HEALING IN THE MIDST OF BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
(One Pastor's confession) By Pastor Rodney Houston
Relationships can be very trying. I run into all kinds of broken relationships as a Christian and a Pastor. Sometimes with family or church members a rift develops for one reason or another. I may doing a funeral or a wedding or trying to minister to one person and suddenly find myself caught in an uncomfortable triad with a third person who hates me. In many ways it is impossible for me or any of us for that matter to totally avoid these situations. It's this triad that is so awkward. This happens to everybody and it is important to come to some righteous conclusion on this matter as Christians.
As in all things, I try to put my life in the framework of my Christianity and Biblical principles and my walk with Jesus Christ. I believe in loving my enemies but I don't think I am required by God to always fraternize with them. When put in a situation of having to be in contact with them I have no other biblical mandate than Charity! Love my enemies. Do good to them that use me and are spiteful. Christianity requires great love and courage. Where do I get this? I cannot give what I have not received. I must first consider how Jesus Christ handled such situations. When I look at him I am overwhelmed at his example of love and courage.
Consider Judas Iscariot. Three and 1/2 years he traveled with Jesus on a daily basis. Jesus knew all the time that Judas would betray him to death. Judas was also was stealing money from the whole group; Mind you money that had been given to Jesus for their ministry! What does Jesus do? The night of his betrayal he gives Judas bread to eat and washes his feet! Now I gotta tell ya, I gotta be honest, I would have a hard time washing the feet of some people! And it makes me realize I am not yet where Christ wants me to be. For me this is the hardest of things to admit. So I must rely on God's grace in my life while I act like what I consider myself to be--A spiritual Donkey! Braying and Hee Hawing in my stubborn pride. This is honest and pure confession for me! Confess your faults one to another. So I have at least now obeyed that portion of scripture.
How is it we get caught in these difficult situations? Sin is the problem as always. Either mine or someone else's or both. James addresses the problem we have:
James 3:
13 Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
14 But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.
15 This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
So. What do we do? I don't think there is a mathematical formula to this relationship problem. Every person is unique and therefore every relationship is unique. It should come as no surprise that the number one response in the "about" section of Face Book social networking to the question "relationship status?" is "It's complicated!".
We live in a sin cursed world. Our own sin and other's sins is the source the emotional and painful relationships. If I were as mature spiritually as Jesus I could always walk in love with my enemies like he did with Judas. But I am not completely there yet and every broken relationship in my life gauges and test my spiritual growth and actually lends itself to helping me in said growth. Here is what I do know. I can't always run and and hide from these situations. I am amazed as much as I try to avoid some people how God continues to box me into situations with them that truly shows me if I made a D or an A on the "Loving My Enemies Test".
In a particular unavoidable personal relationship some years ago I said that I am not going to have anything to do with this person any more. And I didn't for almost a year. However, this bothered me so I sought counsel from a very wise Christian fellow Pastor. I ask him, "Am I making a mistake? Am I sinning by having no contact with this person?" My friend was straining to answer me. After much pause he "wisely" said to me "No". Slowly I began to get it. The dynamics of this situation were such that at this time the pain of the situation was more than I could reasonably handle with the spiritual tools and strength I possessed at this juncture in my spiritual growth! I didn't like it but it was true. Further more no amount of bible study and intellectual exercise or anything "I could do" was going to deliver me. I was helpless! If I was ever going to be able to handle this differently God was going to have to do something in me that I could not do. I was stunted in my spiritual growth in this one area. Some of it was my fault. Most of it was not. Either way I had to admit my weakness and rely solely on God's grace. It hurt my pride to say, "I can't. God you must".
And then the strangest thing began to happen. Conceding that I was incapable of acting correctly from the heart and depending on God's grace healed me in ways never before possible. I have at least the best relationship I have ever had now with this person that I cannot remove from my life. It's still not easy and I still avoid this person at times but I am no longer paralyzed by the situation. I have a new appreciation because of this for God's grace.
Ephesians1:
2 Grace be to you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:
4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:
5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,
6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.|
---Pastor Rodney Houston
